I am sitting on my bed, surrounded with about four bazillion student papers and wondering how the hell I'm going to get it all graded. Now granted, I've got a whole week before grades are due (I think--I best check that out!), but I'd rather get them done sooner rather than later (like I usually do)--which if I had done the grading for the annotated bibs ontime, then I wouldn't be having this problem. On the other hand, half the classes turned them in late, so that also put me behind--but that's no excuse. The truth is, I suck when it comes to grading. Plus, I still have to grade reading journals --which I mostly just spotcheck--and the webpages--which won't take long, but it's still ONE MORE THING--and then do all the GD adding of points and blah, blah, blah. Well, you know how it is. Maybe one day I will not procrastinate like I do. But let's face it... the habit is ingrained. And I never change... I mean, hell, speaking of procrastinating--I'm here writing this blog, aren't I? It's hopeless. Oy.
I guess what I really ought to do is when they turn in their work, I should just stay at the office till I get at least 2-3 hours of grading done. If I did that every class day, I'd be in a better place than finding myself at the end of the semester inundated with work. Part of the problem too is that the first part of the semester, the workload is light, and then in the last month of teaching, I get in 500 points worth of work to grade for each student. For instance, I picked up the annotated bibs on 4/13; their final reading journals on 4/18; and had final projects from 4/23 to 4/27. It's easy to get behind when you get so much work at the end. But the long and short of it is, is that I procrastinate like a maniac. Because I suck.
In my only defense, I have to say that I've had terrible migraines for the last two weeks, and the only thing I can do when that happens is crawl into my bed and sleep. Which is also not conducive for getting work done.
And finally, I'm PMSing bigtime... bleah.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
A Department Thing
Today, I stayed at school to grade, instead of hotfooting it home like I usually do. There was also a "Good Bye" party for the faculty Fellows who aren't returning next year (either because this was their Third Year or because they got a decently-paying job elsewhere) at a local pub, about a mile and a half from the school. Not only did I want to say goodbye to a couple of my friends, but hell, let's face it: free food. Sometimes I'm still in graduate school mode--I can be lured with food. Of course people could have wine or beer too, though I stuck to Cokes, being as I detest beer and wine detests me.
One of the Third Years, a dear, brilliant, man who is leaving, had applied earlier in the year for a tenure-track job at my school--and should have been a shoe-in, except that he got screwed. I won't go into the details--they steam my clams--but I was so angry for him today. I mean, he couldn't have been more cordial and friendly if he tried, and when the head of the department was talking to him, and saying how much the department will miss him, I wanted to beat the GD lying SOB with my shoe. It was so fricken phony. It's possible that the head of the department was NOT on the hiring committee, but I find that hard to believe. And moreover, how could he say all these nice things, full knowing how shitty the school had been to him? He was just so unbelievably phony--I do not like that man. I couldn't have been so gracious as my friend was. But I was seriously disgusted at the hypocrisy. I was totally channeling Holden Caulfield or something.
Anyway--despite the obnoxious phoniness of the whole shebang--"oh, we're going to miss you people so much" PUH-LEEZ--I did get to hang out with my Second Year friends and chat with them and eat good bar food and that was fun. And we were there till 8:30, and the thing started at 5:30. It was the most socializing I've done in a long time. Normally, I'm such a hermit.
One of the Third Years, a dear, brilliant, man who is leaving, had applied earlier in the year for a tenure-track job at my school--and should have been a shoe-in, except that he got screwed. I won't go into the details--they steam my clams--but I was so angry for him today. I mean, he couldn't have been more cordial and friendly if he tried, and when the head of the department was talking to him, and saying how much the department will miss him, I wanted to beat the GD lying SOB with my shoe. It was so fricken phony. It's possible that the head of the department was NOT on the hiring committee, but I find that hard to believe. And moreover, how could he say all these nice things, full knowing how shitty the school had been to him? He was just so unbelievably phony--I do not like that man. I couldn't have been so gracious as my friend was. But I was seriously disgusted at the hypocrisy. I was totally channeling Holden Caulfield or something.
Anyway--despite the obnoxious phoniness of the whole shebang--"oh, we're going to miss you people so much" PUH-LEEZ--I did get to hang out with my Second Year friends and chat with them and eat good bar food and that was fun. And we were there till 8:30, and the thing started at 5:30. It was the most socializing I've done in a long time. Normally, I'm such a hermit.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Teaching Tech Writing Next Sem
Initially, I was assigned Comp 1 for next fall, and had been planning on teaching it as an argument/ ecofem class, and I was really looking forward to it, because for one thing, it's something I cared about, and for another, I thought it would be cool. But they have since reassigned me to teach technical writing, which theoretically will be a lot less grading, and that's a good thing. But I'm afraid that I'll be bored. And I'm not much of a lecturer. I am mostly just a book discusser. That's what matters to me--that people think (and think well).
I think that's probably why I'm a bad comp teacher (ok, I'm not bad--but I'm not a Comp Queen like others I know)--because I'd argue it's more important for students to think well, than it is for them to write well. I'm probably in a minority. I'm sure most comp teachers want students to do BOTH. But I don't think it's possible to construct good arguments in writing until students can really understand the material on a deeper level. I think they should teach a class on thinking.... and I'm not talking a class on philosophy (which to me, was excruciating). But just honest and true critical thinking. I'd love to do that. But I doubt an opportunity will come up for that, because I think I'm in the minority when it comes to articulating pedagogy as "thinking first, writing later." And more than that, I'm not at a liberal arts school.
But I have decided to teach ecofem this summer. The independent bookstore where I order my books has assured me that it can get 25 copies of the out-of-print book of essays on ecofem that I love, and so I'm looking forward to that. I'm also having students read a book on women's nature writing--kind of blind, because I haven't been able to get a hold of a copy--but it sounds good from what I've read. Probably in 6 weeks, I'll have to do a lot of squeezing in, and not get to teach everything I want, but it will be ok. I'm going to make it ok. Last summer I taught an intro to pop culture, which I don't know how successful it was, but I enjoyed it. I'm hoping that this intro to women's ecology and ecofem will work out all right. It will have to sustain me through my dance with tech writing until I get back to teaching real stuff.
In other news, because my first class finished their project presentations, I don't have a 9:00 class this morning, which is good. The bad thing is, I didn't really get to say goodbye to them, as today is the last day of classes. But I'll probably send them an e-mail to tell them when they can expect their grades, wish them well on finals.
I think that's probably why I'm a bad comp teacher (ok, I'm not bad--but I'm not a Comp Queen like others I know)--because I'd argue it's more important for students to think well, than it is for them to write well. I'm probably in a minority. I'm sure most comp teachers want students to do BOTH. But I don't think it's possible to construct good arguments in writing until students can really understand the material on a deeper level. I think they should teach a class on thinking.... and I'm not talking a class on philosophy (which to me, was excruciating). But just honest and true critical thinking. I'd love to do that. But I doubt an opportunity will come up for that, because I think I'm in the minority when it comes to articulating pedagogy as "thinking first, writing later." And more than that, I'm not at a liberal arts school.
But I have decided to teach ecofem this summer. The independent bookstore where I order my books has assured me that it can get 25 copies of the out-of-print book of essays on ecofem that I love, and so I'm looking forward to that. I'm also having students read a book on women's nature writing--kind of blind, because I haven't been able to get a hold of a copy--but it sounds good from what I've read. Probably in 6 weeks, I'll have to do a lot of squeezing in, and not get to teach everything I want, but it will be ok. I'm going to make it ok. Last summer I taught an intro to pop culture, which I don't know how successful it was, but I enjoyed it. I'm hoping that this intro to women's ecology and ecofem will work out all right. It will have to sustain me through my dance with tech writing until I get back to teaching real stuff.
In other news, because my first class finished their project presentations, I don't have a 9:00 class this morning, which is good. The bad thing is, I didn't really get to say goodbye to them, as today is the last day of classes. But I'll probably send them an e-mail to tell them when they can expect their grades, wish them well on finals.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
More Disappointing Student Projects--and Other Crap
As my students gave their presentations on dystopias today, I was saddened to think that, in a composition class, where they were given free reign (within reason) to come up with a website that allowed them to imagine and create a culture (and all its parts--politics, social welfare, health, race, class, gender, geography, etc., etc., etc.), that the best they could do was envision Hitler as the god that one dystopia prayed to. Technically, we're not supposed to allow them to do creative work in the comp class--the department is very strict in that sense.
But to me, how better can students demonstrate that they've learned and understood the class concepts by having to develop a web project of their dystopia/utopia? It seems to me, if they have to consider all the myriad things it takes to create a culture, then surely they could come up with something much more impressive than what they did. Last fall, some of the dystopias or utopias that students came up with were amazing--I mean, knocked my socks off. The ones I've seen both Monday and today are just generic and hohum. I was really disappointed in them. They could have done much better. And more than that, they SHOULD have done much better. These students are supposed to be the cream of the crop--the average incoming GPA at my school is 3.75. I was prepared to be impressed with their work, and just wasn't.
*********
In other news, I got another rejection letter. I don't know what would make my poetry publishable, but clearly, I'm not doing it. Sometimes I think that I just don't write what people care about--and then when I see all the work I have, that nobody wants, it makes me question why I even bother a) writing, and b) sending stuff out. I've had as much success getting my poems published not sending them out as sending them out--which is to say, none.
Of course, when I read Poetry (Magazine), which is the PREMIER literary journal for publishing poems--and if you publish here, you have ARRIVED--I always stumble over how unintelligible the work is to me. Am I stupid? Or do I just value poems that are open and clear? Forgoddessake, I have a PhD in poetry--and most of the poems they print every month I just don't understand. If I had creative writing students who wrote like that, I'd be the first to tell them that they need to consider their audience more carefully and write with language that is clear and concrete and visual. Most of the time, I have no idea what those writers are talking about--and it makes me upset. Because I think if I could write like they do, maybe someone would publish my work. But I don't know how to write in fragments like they do. I don't know how to--and more than that, I don't want to. But sometimes I think, if I want to be published, maybe I have to reconsider my sense of aesthetics? Because what I'm doing is not working. And goddess knows, I'll never get a job in academia if I don't start racking up the pub list.
And yet I still wonder--do I have to sell myself this way?
But to me, how better can students demonstrate that they've learned and understood the class concepts by having to develop a web project of their dystopia/utopia? It seems to me, if they have to consider all the myriad things it takes to create a culture, then surely they could come up with something much more impressive than what they did. Last fall, some of the dystopias or utopias that students came up with were amazing--I mean, knocked my socks off. The ones I've seen both Monday and today are just generic and hohum. I was really disappointed in them. They could have done much better. And more than that, they SHOULD have done much better. These students are supposed to be the cream of the crop--the average incoming GPA at my school is 3.75. I was prepared to be impressed with their work, and just wasn't.
*********
In other news, I got another rejection letter. I don't know what would make my poetry publishable, but clearly, I'm not doing it. Sometimes I think that I just don't write what people care about--and then when I see all the work I have, that nobody wants, it makes me question why I even bother a) writing, and b) sending stuff out. I've had as much success getting my poems published not sending them out as sending them out--which is to say, none.
Of course, when I read Poetry (Magazine), which is the PREMIER literary journal for publishing poems--and if you publish here, you have ARRIVED--I always stumble over how unintelligible the work is to me. Am I stupid? Or do I just value poems that are open and clear? Forgoddessake, I have a PhD in poetry--and most of the poems they print every month I just don't understand. If I had creative writing students who wrote like that, I'd be the first to tell them that they need to consider their audience more carefully and write with language that is clear and concrete and visual. Most of the time, I have no idea what those writers are talking about--and it makes me upset. Because I think if I could write like they do, maybe someone would publish my work. But I don't know how to write in fragments like they do. I don't know how to--and more than that, I don't want to. But sometimes I think, if I want to be published, maybe I have to reconsider my sense of aesthetics? Because what I'm doing is not working. And goddess knows, I'll never get a job in academia if I don't start racking up the pub list.
And yet I still wonder--do I have to sell myself this way?
Reed Richards
I seem to be having strange dreams lately, which is unusual for me, since I don't seem to dream. When I was on a coctail of antidepressants, I dreamed quite a bit. Now that I'm not taking them, I don't seem to dream--or just rarely, like last night.
Reed Richards is Mr. Fantastic from the Fantastic Four, which was my FAVORITE comic as a girl. I loved the comic, I loved the show, but Mr. Fantastic was not my favorite of the group--it was (and always will be) Ben (The Thing). I used to daydream about marrying Ben--even though he was orange and rocky. I think it was his tortured soul--and his matter-of-fact attitude--that appealed to me. Anyway, last night, I dreamed that it was Reed who kissed me--of course, it was Ioan Griffudd from the 2005 movie (who, by the way, really doesn't do anything for me, and if we're talking about the movie, let's be honest here--Michael Chiklis's Ben was totally dreamy). The weird thing was that I let him kiss me--even though I knew I was dating my b/f.
It was weird too that I felt disloyal but also sinful in a good way. I have no idea what it means.
In a somewhat related note, I am looking forward to seeing The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer when it comes out this summer. I don't usually like comic book movies, but I do have a soft spot for F4.
Reed Richards is Mr. Fantastic from the Fantastic Four, which was my FAVORITE comic as a girl. I loved the comic, I loved the show, but Mr. Fantastic was not my favorite of the group--it was (and always will be) Ben (The Thing). I used to daydream about marrying Ben--even though he was orange and rocky. I think it was his tortured soul--and his matter-of-fact attitude--that appealed to me. Anyway, last night, I dreamed that it was Reed who kissed me--of course, it was Ioan Griffudd from the 2005 movie (who, by the way, really doesn't do anything for me, and if we're talking about the movie, let's be honest here--Michael Chiklis's Ben was totally dreamy). The weird thing was that I let him kiss me--even though I knew I was dating my b/f.
It was weird too that I felt disloyal but also sinful in a good way. I have no idea what it means.
In a somewhat related note, I am looking forward to seeing The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer when it comes out this summer. I don't usually like comic book movies, but I do have a soft spot for F4.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Not Getting Much Done, Attempt 2
That was so weird. I remember clicking on a button in the settings that said it would put a choice to transliterate into Hindi, but I didn't realize that it would automatically transliterate the title. Hence, I changed it back.
Right now, I'm getting IMmed from a jerk I had a ONS with over a year ago. He periodically e-mails me to find out if I'm having sex with anyone. For the longest, after the ONS, I said I had decided to be celibate. It wasn't true, but it was a good way to keep him from hassling me. What I need to do is block his name so I wouldn't get IMs from him. Of course, I did that with his old IM name, and he just sent me an IM under his new name. I could also just tell him he was so bad in bed that I would never even consider talking to him. But that is mean. And I try very hard not to be mean. Even to people I don't particularly like.
I thought about doing some grading today. I thought about it, and then I didn't think about it. I've been having a hard day. I just feel worthless and sad. And I have a headache. And my cat caught another mouse and brought it in the apartment. I don't know. I just seem to be stagnating.
I was reading Doggerel's blog instead. And looking around on Blogger to find new and interesting people to read. Found a few that I put in my links list.
Maybe I should go to bed. Even if it's only 6 p.m. in the evening.... Of course, I went to bed at 3 p.m. yesterday, with a migraine. I get those a lot. I'm beginning to think I'm so stressed out that it's manifesting itself in headaches--like one every day. True, it's the end of the semester, and normally that really does stress me out. But I think it's worse this time. Much worse.
Right now, I'm getting IMmed from a jerk I had a ONS with over a year ago. He periodically e-mails me to find out if I'm having sex with anyone. For the longest, after the ONS, I said I had decided to be celibate. It wasn't true, but it was a good way to keep him from hassling me. What I need to do is block his name so I wouldn't get IMs from him. Of course, I did that with his old IM name, and he just sent me an IM under his new name. I could also just tell him he was so bad in bed that I would never even consider talking to him. But that is mean. And I try very hard not to be mean. Even to people I don't particularly like.
I thought about doing some grading today. I thought about it, and then I didn't think about it. I've been having a hard day. I just feel worthless and sad. And I have a headache. And my cat caught another mouse and brought it in the apartment. I don't know. I just seem to be stagnating.
I was reading Doggerel's blog instead. And looking around on Blogger to find new and interesting people to read. Found a few that I put in my links list.
Maybe I should go to bed. Even if it's only 6 p.m. in the evening.... Of course, I went to bed at 3 p.m. yesterday, with a migraine. I get those a lot. I'm beginning to think I'm so stressed out that it's manifesting itself in headaches--like one every day. True, it's the end of the semester, and normally that really does stress me out. But I think it's worse this time. Much worse.
नॉट गेत्तिंग अन्य वर्क दोने
Why is this writing everything in Hindi? I will come back once I figure out what is wrong.
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