Tuesday, February 26, 2008

On Very Personal Health

I really needed to do laundry today. So instead I took a long nap. Then I graded for a while, and now I'm goofing off online. I suck.

Actually I took the nap to head off a headache that was starting. Because of the chemo, I'm not supposed to use Advil, but after 6 days of headaches last week, I begged and pleaded to the nurse practitioner and the oncology nurse to let me have Advil. They must know me because they said they'll allow me to take one or two once in a very great while, but I can't "eat it like candy." Which is scary. Because before chemo, I did eat Advil like candy. I mean, why take one or two when five or six will knock out cramps or migraines? I probably have no liver. But they said I need to use Advil sparingly because of the risk of uncontrolled bleeding. I don't plan on injuring myself, so I'd like to ignore the no candy-eating rule, but I'll be a good girl.

It helps that I haven't had a period since forever. (I'm not counting all the bleeding I had after the surgery where I was going through pads like every hour [since I wasn't allowed to use tampons].) Of course, I don't have periods because I'm skipping the white pills and going onto the next month's birth control pack. And I realize this is kind of a bad thing to do because of the risk to my heart and the rest of my body from all the extra hormones, but without PMS and MS, my mood is better, I can cope with my disease better, and I'm just a nicer person to be around. I figure, as long as I'm forced to be on birth control for at least a year, and possibly longer due to cancer, I may as well make it worthwhile by being period-free.

I think the nurse practitioner isn't too happy with this decision. But then she didn't have a miscarriage, a D&C, and copious amounts of bleeding for 6 weeks straight. (I have 3 pairs of stained jeans I can't get clean because the bleeding was so bad.)

Anyway. These are just the random thoughts of my mind today.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Inconsequential Things... Like My Health

I'm feeling kind of sick to my stomach today, and I've spent a good part of the day in bed. I did get myself on the couch to watch the 2005 Pride & Prejudice, which I'd give a B/B- to. Let's face it, the BBC one that ran on A&E will always be the standard to which all other adaptations are measured. It's all about Mr. Darcy isn't it? The guy who played Mr. Darcy in this movie was ok, but he was no Colin Firth. Well, and while we're at it, Keira Knightley is no Jennifer Ehle.

Afterwards, I went back down for a nappie, like a baby. I however also managed to bathe at one point. This is important because the last few days I haven't felt even up to that. I didn't feel up to it today either, but noxious smells were emanating from my body and I needed to get clean. Now I smell lovely, which I'm sure Snorky is glad for. He's been keeping me company in the bed. I know my offensiveness was bothering him. He can be very fastidious, even for a cat.

Nothing much is going on. C's brother's wedding is in 2 weekends, and I'm half-way looking forward to getting out of Atlanta, at least for a couple of days. Of course, it will be a chemo weekend, and that means I'll be really tired and puny. And C still hasn't told his parents that I have cancer. I don't know what he's waiting for--a written invitation? I'm just afraid that I'll be tired and subdued at the wedding and his family will think I have no personality or energy or otherwise make assumptions about me that aren't true, which will then influence them not to like me. I've tried explaining this to C but he keeps giving me the runaround. I told him if he doesn't tell them in the next few days, I'm writing them a letter. Maybe that will galvanize him.

I really don't understand his hesitancy. He ran to them to tell them all the gruesome details of the botched pregnancy and my D&C and my ubiquitous bleeding--the stuff I didn't want them to know about. But I think they should know about the cancer, and he won't tell them. Maybe he thinks they'll freak out. But both his mother and sister are nurses, so it's not like they won't have any understanding. Whatever.

The next door yapping dog won't shut up. I wish I could slip it a mickey.

Hope everyone's ok.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Quick Check-In

I am sitting here with a cat on my right side and a stack of papers on my left. Plus I have to read 6 chapters in my crappola Tech Comm book for tomorrow's Tech Comm seminar, which I have absolutely no interest in doing AND I have to make a presentation on one of the chapters, which I tried reading, and which made me have to take a nap earlier, it was so boring.

Granted, I didn't take a long nap, mostly because I couldn't get comfortable. I've had a migraine-esque headache for the last several days, and of course you know I am not SUPPOSED to take Advil while I'm on chemo. But yesterday I broke down and took 5, chemo be damned. I was going to die from a headache. When I go get chemo on Wednesday, I'm going to talk to them about what I can do for when I have headaches, because I've said it before and I'll say it again, Tylenol is stupid and doesn't work. Today it was mostly just a dull throbbing, nothing that I bothered taking a pill for.

Other than that, not much is news. Same ol' same ol. And I'm kind of grumpy and hungry, but I already ate dinner, so I have no idea why I'm ravenous.

Hope everyone's ok.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A Kiss for My Friends

Chocolates and tulips,
a pillow spilled with stardust:
Valentine for you.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

New Treatment

The doctor didn't like my last bloodtest and said the cancer wasn't responding. So I've been switched to a new treatment, a more aggressive one that knocks my ass out and makes me so sick. I thought the other treatment wasn't great, but this is worse.

I was exhausted all day yesterday, and I had to go onto campus for a meeting. Two hours total, and I thought I would die. Today, I didn't even get out of bed till almost 5, and it's not even 8:30, and I'm thinking of going back to bed.

I've been managing alright. But now I'm afraid that this new treatment (which takes about a couple of hours to administer) is going to make things very, very hard for me.

I wish I could give up cancer for Lent.