Out of Touch

I've been busy doing absolutely nothing for the last several weeks. I am tired, in debt, sick of mounting medical bills, and worried about the lack-of-job sitch. The cancer isn't responding to the treatment, my doctor thinks maybe I have something else, and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Really, everything kind of bites. And I have about 4000 papers to grade before grades are due. Plus, I have to clean out my office. There's a depressing thought.

Inconsequential Things... Like My Health

I'm feeling kind of sick to my stomach today, and I've spent a good part of the day in bed. I did get myself on the couch to watch the 2005 Pride & Prejudice, which I'd give a B/B- to. Let's face it, the BBC one that ran on A&E will always be the standard to which all other adaptations are measured. It's all about Mr. Darcy isn't it? The guy who played Mr. Darcy in this movie was ok, but he was no Colin Firth. Well, and while we're at it, Keira Knightley is no Jennifer Ehle.

Afterwards, I went back down for a nappie, like a baby. I however also managed to bathe at one point. This is important because the last few days I haven't felt even up to that. I didn't feel up to it today either, but noxious smells were emanating from my body and I needed to get clean. Now I smell lovely, which I'm sure Snorky is glad for. He's been keeping me company in the bed. I know my offensiveness was bothering him. He can be very fastidious, even for a cat.

Nothing much is going on. C's brother's wedding is in 2 weekends, and I'm half-way looking forward to getting out of Atlanta, at least for a couple of days. Of course, it will be a chemo weekend, and that means I'll be really tired and puny. And C still hasn't told his parents that I have cancer. I don't know what he's waiting for--a written invitation? I'm just afraid that I'll be tired and subdued at the wedding and his family will think I have no personality or energy or otherwise make assumptions about me that aren't true, which will then influence them not to like me. I've tried explaining this to C but he keeps giving me the runaround. I told him if he doesn't tell them in the next few days, I'm writing them a letter. Maybe that will galvanize him.

I really don't understand his hesitancy. He ran to them to tell them all the gruesome details of the botched pregnancy and my D&C and my ubiquitous bleeding--the stuff I didn't want them to know about. But I think they should know about the cancer, and he won't tell them. Maybe he thinks they'll freak out. But both his mother and sister are nurses, so it's not like they won't have any understanding. Whatever.

The next door yapping dog won't shut up. I wish I could slip it a mickey.

Hope everyone's ok.

Absurd

Choriocarcinoma. That's what it's called.

And I was upset earlier this afternoon when I tripped and broke a nail.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

My latest blood tests were apparently bad... I have to see the gynocological oncologist (a specialist, in other words) on Monday. And I'm cramping really bad today.

I'm so sick of being sick.