Update

This week I am going to a big cancer hospital back home for testing and a second opinion. Anyway, I like to spend my birthday with my Mom, and Friday is my birthday.

Actually, I don't really even care about the second opinion. In fact, I'd rather not do it, because I just want to quit. Period. No more. And I can't afford it. But Mom and C both want me to do it, so ok, I'm going for it.

But before I leave on Tuesday (I think), I have another meeting with the head of the department tomorrow, and hopefully this one will be more clear as to whether a job is really going to manifest for me, or whether I should just go home for good. I don't know why they wouldn't want to give me a job--I'm good at advising; I like it, and the students like me. So hopefully I will have some good news tomorrow. Because I'm not loving this flux I'm in. I'm just not a fluxy person.

Other than that, things are quiet. Hope you all are doing well.

Decision

I've decided if that PET scan I did on Friday reveals nothing of any significance, I'm going to quit cancer treatments. 3 months of treatments hasn't managed to accomplish anything, so why should I continue down a path that just makes me tired, sick, and lethargic? Moreover, my medical bills are killing me and I just can't afford to keep getting $900 treatments that don't seem to work. I'm tired and bored, and I've had enough.

Update

My Mom came in on Monday, and she's been wonderful.

Wednesday was another round of chemo. What was terrible was the I.V., which just burned. I went through 3 liters of "buffer" solution, but when it ran out, I was crying, because the stuff just was like fire in my arm. Apparently I have a low tolerance for the meds, and I thought I would die. The nurse hooked me up with more buffer but I guess there's only so much they can give.

Anyway, four hours later, we left, and went to Target to pick up a new prescription. Every time I leave that doctor, it seems like I get some new drugs. And not good ones. :(

Chemo mostly makes me exhausted and nauseated. But I'm trying my best. It's early in my treatment, though; maybe later, I'll be less "cheerful and brave." I don't know how many rounds I'll have to get. It just depends on how my body responds.

Anyway, if I don't write any time soon, I hope everyone has a happy Christmas or other winter holiday. Bless you all.

Absurd

Choriocarcinoma. That's what it's called.

And I was upset earlier this afternoon when I tripped and broke a nail.