Inconsequential Things... Like My Health

I'm feeling kind of sick to my stomach today, and I've spent a good part of the day in bed. I did get myself on the couch to watch the 2005 Pride & Prejudice, which I'd give a B/B- to. Let's face it, the BBC one that ran on A&E will always be the standard to which all other adaptations are measured. It's all about Mr. Darcy isn't it? The guy who played Mr. Darcy in this movie was ok, but he was no Colin Firth. Well, and while we're at it, Keira Knightley is no Jennifer Ehle.

Afterwards, I went back down for a nappie, like a baby. I however also managed to bathe at one point. This is important because the last few days I haven't felt even up to that. I didn't feel up to it today either, but noxious smells were emanating from my body and I needed to get clean. Now I smell lovely, which I'm sure Snorky is glad for. He's been keeping me company in the bed. I know my offensiveness was bothering him. He can be very fastidious, even for a cat.

Nothing much is going on. C's brother's wedding is in 2 weekends, and I'm half-way looking forward to getting out of Atlanta, at least for a couple of days. Of course, it will be a chemo weekend, and that means I'll be really tired and puny. And C still hasn't told his parents that I have cancer. I don't know what he's waiting for--a written invitation? I'm just afraid that I'll be tired and subdued at the wedding and his family will think I have no personality or energy or otherwise make assumptions about me that aren't true, which will then influence them not to like me. I've tried explaining this to C but he keeps giving me the runaround. I told him if he doesn't tell them in the next few days, I'm writing them a letter. Maybe that will galvanize him.

I really don't understand his hesitancy. He ran to them to tell them all the gruesome details of the botched pregnancy and my D&C and my ubiquitous bleeding--the stuff I didn't want them to know about. But I think they should know about the cancer, and he won't tell them. Maybe he thinks they'll freak out. But both his mother and sister are nurses, so it's not like they won't have any understanding. Whatever.

The next door yapping dog won't shut up. I wish I could slip it a mickey.

Hope everyone's ok.

New Treatment

The doctor didn't like my last bloodtest and said the cancer wasn't responding. So I've been switched to a new treatment, a more aggressive one that knocks my ass out and makes me so sick. I thought the other treatment wasn't great, but this is worse.

I was exhausted all day yesterday, and I had to go onto campus for a meeting. Two hours total, and I thought I would die. Today, I didn't even get out of bed till almost 5, and it's not even 8:30, and I'm thinking of going back to bed.

I've been managing alright. But now I'm afraid that this new treatment (which takes about a couple of hours to administer) is going to make things very, very hard for me.

I wish I could give up cancer for Lent.

Chemo Crash 2

Another really bad day. B/f wants me to come visit him tomorrow, but I swear, I just want to stay in bed and die. I feel awful. Now, I guess, there's enough chemo in my blood that I don't bounce back like I did in the early rounds... I wind up just feeling bad for the rest of the week. It's pitiful.

And I'm almost out of ginger ale.

Chemo Crash

Oy, I can tell this is the day after chemo... I'm so exhausted. I woke up at 7:30, putzed around till 10:30, and then crashed. I would have slept probably the rest of the day except His Magesty jumped up on the bed and began to lick my neck, the silly beastie.

I've managed to eat some bread and soup, but I really want to go back to bed. And it's not even 5. Is that bad?