I just read Maude Lebowski's blog, and she's having a really tough day, as am I. I tried to get out of the house and get some fresh air--walked the malls (though, I'm not a mall person, but I wanted to use a giftcard that Boyfriend's sister gave me for Christmas), saw The Waterhorse, but the movie, which started out cute, became depressing and horrible as the Royal Navy began shooting giant cannons at "Crusoe" (aka, the Loch Ness Monster). In fact, it was scary and awful, and I started to cry. I probably should have left the theater, but I didn't.
I don't want to start another semester; I have a bad feeling that they won't be hiring me as a full time advisor, because my boss has been very cold to me ever since I started chemo, and now I'm terrified that come May, I will be jobless. I'm not ready to move back home with my Mom--I love her of course, and frankly, would love to live back in my hometown, but I can't go home to her and leave my Beloved.
I guess I just feel everything is futile today, and I am two inches away from bawling my eyes out, and I hate feeling like that.
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2 comments:
This place will tell you if you're emo:
http://www.emocrud.com/quiz
oh sweetie, i'm sorry that you've caught my contagious woe. i have to say though, your comment to me was so kind, and i'm whining about my stupid anxieties and you're going through chemo and trying to make me feel better!
maybe your boss isn't being cold per se, but maybe she doesn't know what to say and is embarrassed by the fact that she feels awkward about your cancer. fucked up, i know, but maybe it's not so negative as that you'll be out of a job. can you talk to her about it?
now i know that i can't go see the waterhorse. animal movies always make me cry anyway, so there's no way now i can go see this one.
sending happier colors your way.
:-)
ml
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