I didn't leave campus till after 8--I absolutely wanted to finish grading the first class' design exercise, and I did finish that. I have great plans for staying late tomorrow and Wednesday, and getting them all graded so I can give them back on Monday. Then I'll only have their damn memos and audience exercises to grade, and I'll be all caught up...
Of course, I realize how ridiculous that sounds... I mean, these damn things have been waiting for weeks for me to grade. They sit in condemning piles around my house, filling me with loathing. If I could just grade the papers when they came in, it wouldn't be such an ordeal. But my behavior never seems to change.
I wish I could teach, but not grade. I suspect all teachers feel this way. But I know there are conscientious, ethical teachers who really do their jobs, read and return papers in a timely manner, and don't hate every single day they're in the classroom. I don't know how they do it. I really admire them. I can't seem to manage it.
Oh, this is a rambly, useless post. More of the same. Sometimes, I can't even stand myself.
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3 comments:
I think you need to be easier on yourself. You're having a tough time right now, so just remember to breath.
I still vote for the d20 route. They never need to know, do they?
i agree with zan. i've had three semesters in a row like this in the past, where each of my classes were horrible (not just the grading)--so bad that i nearly barfed before every class. in addition to wanting to barf, it was hard for me to even just get out of bed in the morning to get to the class (which was at 10:30, so it's not like it was an early class either). a colleague thought i was unnecessarily bitter and shouldn't be around students until she found out that in the third semester of this horrible year and a half of teaching, i was having such bad headaches that my doctor thought i had a brain tumor!
we all have shitty semesters, even years that suck, not because we suck, but because sometimes our students just suck. there's a bad chemistry (the few good exciting students notwithstanding--but two people out of thirty does not a stellar classroom dynamic make). and sometimes the course itself sucks and has nothing to do with teacher or student.
keep your chin up. the end of the semester is almost here. thanksgiving is two weeks away and then winter break soon after that. it's almost over. like people keep telling me about my diss--if you keep plugging away, it will eventually be over. besides, you're doing all the things you need to do to survive this class. i give you a shit-ton of credit for that!! KUDOS!
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