Job Things, The Sequel

So, today I had a meeting with Guru (the New Writing & Communication Coordinator, who is a Full Professor, and a Professor Emeritus from her previous school), and she looked over my C.V. and talked to me about my future plans, and mentioned ways that I could improve the C.V. and how I articulate my teaching and the kinds of things I do in the classroom so as to make me stand out when it comes to people picking through job materials.

But among the things she said: a) only listing 3 examples of work under review is poor--I ought to have 10(!) listed, so as to demonstrate I am an active poet who actively submits work; b) that I need to write at least 3 essays (on place, spirituality, and family) since those are areas I focused on in my diss; c) that I need to cull about 30 poems from my diss, package them with these essays, and send this manuscript out to publishers by Halloween (!); and d) that I begin the research to write a collaborative paper with her about Tech Comm. I came out of the meeting ready to slit my wrists.

More than that, she said that while it's quite obvious that several people in the department would LOVE to keep me on as an advisor, that this is a "safe" job, and it's about time I spread my wings and leave the nest. That I should be a teacher, since that's where my heart is.

And what I said to her is that I don't know where my heart is. I'm not sure what I want to be "when I grow up." And what I didn't feel like I could admit is how absolutely little faith I have in myself. And why should I? I don't write. In some ways, I think going on the job market would be a waste of time because I really don't think that I would be an asset to any program. No matter how you package my C.V., there's just not anything there. Certainly not anything that would get me hired.

Of course, if I do all the work Guru wants (and as an aside, let me mention that a First Year came to me about writing a collaborative paper in Tech Comm about video games which I agreed to do way before this onslought of work Guru has piled on me), maybe I could get a job somewhere. I mean, there were quite a few creative writing jobs on the MLA list... but where would that leave me with Boyfriend?

If it's not one thing, it's six.