My friends K & C finally called it quits today. I just hurt for both of them... I think they've been together 12 years, and it sucks, and I'm really sad. Because I was K's friend first, but I'm C's friend too... and I don't know what to say to either of them, except I'm sorry.
And I know this is weird... but it makes me feel scared too. Like, if people like them could break up, people I thought were together for the long haul, what chance do the rest of us have?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Where Have I Been?
It seems the rest of the summer got away from me. Mostly I've just been working every day, and while it seemed ok when I was doing it part-time, full-time has its disadvantages... mostly long blocks of time where not much happens. Part of this is because it's after registration, and students won't be coming in again till the end of October when registration starts up.
Part of it has to do, probably, with the fact I've never had a 40 hour a week job, and I'm not used to being at work and not having anything to do. When I was teaching, I came in to teach, did my office hours (including my part-time advising hours), and went home... to do other things, like laundry (which I'm sorely behind on) or cleaning the house or grocery shopping. Now when I get home, the last thing I want to do is those chores. (Granted, I never want to do laundry since I have to go out to do it... but hopefully I'll find a new place to live soon, and it WILL have a washer and dryer, or I'm not moving in.)
Fiance and I are fine. He's actually coming up today to stay until Friday morning. There's a lecture he wants to go to tomorrow night, and he doesn't have to work, so he figured he'd come in for a quick visit. As it happens, I'm going down his way for a conference on Friday/ Saturday, and the plan was that we'd spend Saturday night and Sunday together... but he forgot to request those days off. So I'll be coming back home.
Which is just as well, so I can take care of His Magesty, whom I don't really like to leave alone, anyway. I know how he hates not being able to go outside. And I don't feel comfortable leaving the back window open--not because I worry that anyone would break in (though, in a large city, that's ALWAYS a possibility), but mainly because I don't want to come home to find that there are dead--or living!--chipmunks running around. I'm about done with the chipmunk crap, frankly.
I will say, the one good thing about this job is that when I have large blocks of unoccupied time, I fill it with writing poems, and that makes me ever so much happier a person.
Hoping everyone is well.
Part of it has to do, probably, with the fact I've never had a 40 hour a week job, and I'm not used to being at work and not having anything to do. When I was teaching, I came in to teach, did my office hours (including my part-time advising hours), and went home... to do other things, like laundry (which I'm sorely behind on) or cleaning the house or grocery shopping. Now when I get home, the last thing I want to do is those chores. (Granted, I never want to do laundry since I have to go out to do it... but hopefully I'll find a new place to live soon, and it WILL have a washer and dryer, or I'm not moving in.)
Fiance and I are fine. He's actually coming up today to stay until Friday morning. There's a lecture he wants to go to tomorrow night, and he doesn't have to work, so he figured he'd come in for a quick visit. As it happens, I'm going down his way for a conference on Friday/ Saturday, and the plan was that we'd spend Saturday night and Sunday together... but he forgot to request those days off. So I'll be coming back home.
Which is just as well, so I can take care of His Magesty, whom I don't really like to leave alone, anyway. I know how he hates not being able to go outside. And I don't feel comfortable leaving the back window open--not because I worry that anyone would break in (though, in a large city, that's ALWAYS a possibility), but mainly because I don't want to come home to find that there are dead--or living!--chipmunks running around. I'm about done with the chipmunk crap, frankly.
I will say, the one good thing about this job is that when I have large blocks of unoccupied time, I fill it with writing poems, and that makes me ever so much happier a person.
Hoping everyone is well.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Job Things
After a lot of chaos, I finally got the permanent advisor job. Today was my third day at work. While I have been doing advising for a year now, I wasn't prepared for the 40-hour-a-week grind, and my butt gets sore from sitting all day, and pretty much from 2-4:30 I'm sooooo bored. But I'll get used to it, and like it too, I hope.
I figure, I'm committed to staying at this school at least as long as it takes my fiance to go through graduate school. There is a dual Master's in Public Policy/ Urban Planning program that would be fantastic if he could get into. His undergraduate grades are uneven at best. They have been better since he's been back to school, and perhaps the Admissions Committee will take that into consideration. But this is a tough school to get into, and they expect brilliance. I love my honey, but I think he's burned too many brain cells over the years to be considered brilliant. But perhaps he tests well. Maybe he'll do really well on the GRE. I hope he considers taking a Kaplan course on the GRE so that he'll do really well on it.
Oh, yikes I'm suddenly exhausted. I'll write more later.
I figure, I'm committed to staying at this school at least as long as it takes my fiance to go through graduate school. There is a dual Master's in Public Policy/ Urban Planning program that would be fantastic if he could get into. His undergraduate grades are uneven at best. They have been better since he's been back to school, and perhaps the Admissions Committee will take that into consideration. But this is a tough school to get into, and they expect brilliance. I love my honey, but I think he's burned too many brain cells over the years to be considered brilliant. But perhaps he tests well. Maybe he'll do really well on the GRE. I hope he considers taking a Kaplan course on the GRE so that he'll do really well on it.
Oh, yikes I'm suddenly exhausted. I'll write more later.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Weird But True
The advising job I applied for--you needed 4 years work experience in a university setting. Human Resources kicked my application out as unsuitable because they somehow missed I've had 12 years experience.
I rewrote my letter and am going to resubmit it on Monday (the last day of the job being open) so that they are aware I have 12 years experience. Idiots.
I rewrote my letter and am going to resubmit it on Monday (the last day of the job being open) so that they are aware I have 12 years experience. Idiots.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Calmed Down
I'm not a deranged bitch like I was the other day. C and I talked, and things are better. I still don't know what to do about the wedding, but I have other things to think about... like the fact that I don't know if I have a job beyond June. And also there is always my health to worry me, but that's too boring to contemplate right now.
All in all, I'm just trying to survive another day.
All in all, I'm just trying to survive another day.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Angry
I seem to be angry all the time lately. Or if not angry, then bored. And I know what this means: a depression coming on, and the thought of that just makes me tremble, because I know how debilitating my depressions can be. And I have neither meds nor a psychologist to get me through.
It's not like I haven't tried to find a psychologist, but Blue Cross is being really shitty lately. And I don't have the money because I got the latest bill from the oncologist, and it's $1700 and I still haven't gotten the latest bill from the hospital.
And on top of it all, C's parents said they'll maybe only give $1500 toward the wedding, and even with Mom's matching agreement, that is only $3000 for a wedding. Who the fuck can have a wedding on $3000? I have saved in my secret stash $1200, but I was going to use that towards financing the honeymoon. I'm so mad at his cheapskate parents I couldn't even talk to him last night. They're so fucking selfish. And they make hella lot more money than my Mother does, and she was prepared to give $5000!
I don't even want the fanciest, ritziest wedding, but with $3000 I'd be lucky to serve cake and ice cream afterwards. And the part that really makes me mad is that in my heart of hearts, I really think C did a shitty job of asking his father for money. I suspect he was mealy-mouthed and said we'd take whatever they could give, instead of being honest and direct and saying we need $5000. If I didn't have all these damn medical bills, I could afford to pay for most of the wedding on my own, but it just makes me so angry that they couldn't even pony up a legitimate donation to the wedding.
And C hasn't even tried to save any money. I just don't think that in this day and age the bride's family should have to pay for the whole thing, with the exception of $1500. It would be one thing if C had a real job and was bringing in $30,000 a year. It's not like in the old days when the groom supported the bride. I mean, I'm the one who's going to support him in grad school. I'm the one who's paid for all these goddamn medical bills when his fucking sperm contributed to my disease. I pretty much pay every time we go out to dinner, and I'm the one who drives down there way more than he comes here. And I'm sick of it.
Everything's money money money, and I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of how cheap C and his parents are, and I'm sick of this wedding already. I'm sick to death.
It's not like I haven't tried to find a psychologist, but Blue Cross is being really shitty lately. And I don't have the money because I got the latest bill from the oncologist, and it's $1700 and I still haven't gotten the latest bill from the hospital.
And on top of it all, C's parents said they'll maybe only give $1500 toward the wedding, and even with Mom's matching agreement, that is only $3000 for a wedding. Who the fuck can have a wedding on $3000? I have saved in my secret stash $1200, but I was going to use that towards financing the honeymoon. I'm so mad at his cheapskate parents I couldn't even talk to him last night. They're so fucking selfish. And they make hella lot more money than my Mother does, and she was prepared to give $5000!
I don't even want the fanciest, ritziest wedding, but with $3000 I'd be lucky to serve cake and ice cream afterwards. And the part that really makes me mad is that in my heart of hearts, I really think C did a shitty job of asking his father for money. I suspect he was mealy-mouthed and said we'd take whatever they could give, instead of being honest and direct and saying we need $5000. If I didn't have all these damn medical bills, I could afford to pay for most of the wedding on my own, but it just makes me so angry that they couldn't even pony up a legitimate donation to the wedding.
And C hasn't even tried to save any money. I just don't think that in this day and age the bride's family should have to pay for the whole thing, with the exception of $1500. It would be one thing if C had a real job and was bringing in $30,000 a year. It's not like in the old days when the groom supported the bride. I mean, I'm the one who's going to support him in grad school. I'm the one who's paid for all these goddamn medical bills when his fucking sperm contributed to my disease. I pretty much pay every time we go out to dinner, and I'm the one who drives down there way more than he comes here. And I'm sick of it.
Everything's money money money, and I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of how cheap C and his parents are, and I'm sick of this wedding already. I'm sick to death.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Somebody Shoot Me
So, I've been going to work every since the semester ended, doing my advisory work--answering student e-mails about registration and what-not, holding office hours, meeting with students, because I am under the assumption that I am getting paid.
When I took over as assistant advisor, I was told I would get paid for fall, spring, and summer. But, I sent an e-mail to the head of the department several weeks ago to confirm this, when the person I directly report to made a funny noise when I brought up summer employment to her. (Even though she was the one who told me I would get adjunct pay for summer.) I didn't sign up for summer teaching because I was told I was getting paid for summer. Hence, la la la, I'm thinking I'm getting paid.
Well, I went to the office manager of our department and checked to make sure that I would be getting paid. She looked at her papers and said, "You're not on the summer budget."
Son of a bitch.
I go into the Vice-Chair's office and say what the hell is this? If I'm not getting paid for the summer what am I supposed to do about health care? Why have I been coming to work? I sure as hell wasn't planning on volunteering for the summer. And I sure as hell would have signed up for summer teaching.
I'm so pissed I can't even tell you. And I'm really pissed at the person I have been directly reporting to, because she's the one who promised me summer money and she was the one who should have made sure to put me in the budget. I'm livid really. Because now I have no money for the summer, and nobody at that fucking school gives a goddamn about it.
When I took over as assistant advisor, I was told I would get paid for fall, spring, and summer. But, I sent an e-mail to the head of the department several weeks ago to confirm this, when the person I directly report to made a funny noise when I brought up summer employment to her. (Even though she was the one who told me I would get adjunct pay for summer.) I didn't sign up for summer teaching because I was told I was getting paid for summer. Hence, la la la, I'm thinking I'm getting paid.
Well, I went to the office manager of our department and checked to make sure that I would be getting paid. She looked at her papers and said, "You're not on the summer budget."
Son of a bitch.
I go into the Vice-Chair's office and say what the hell is this? If I'm not getting paid for the summer what am I supposed to do about health care? Why have I been coming to work? I sure as hell wasn't planning on volunteering for the summer. And I sure as hell would have signed up for summer teaching.
I'm so pissed I can't even tell you. And I'm really pissed at the person I have been directly reporting to, because she's the one who promised me summer money and she was the one who should have made sure to put me in the budget. I'm livid really. Because now I have no money for the summer, and nobody at that fucking school gives a goddamn about it.
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